big decision...i think

last night when i made a decision that i think was rapidly approaching, but i was in denial. i decided to teach this year following the textbook. not exclusively, but close. a lot of people invent their own stuff all year so that's what i did last year, too. unfortunately, it wasn't very good stuff--my students did horribly on their state tests in English. it was pretty upsetting and definitely eye-opening. i realized that my curriculum was not thorough or rigorous enough. the fact that my students tested so low also tells me that they didn't learn what they need in order to be successful in 9th grade English, which isn't fair to them.

basically, i didn't really know what i was doing last year, and as hard as i worked, i wasn't working very "smart." last year would have been a really great year to follow the curriculum, but for some reason i shyed away from that. don't ask me why. i know that this year will be better in my classroom for many reasons, but i also want my life to be less stressful. one way to do that is to use a pre-written curriculum. then what i am doing is critically assessing that curriculum and preparing the best way to teach it. i don't have to think up *how* to teach the 8th grade English standards out of the blue. i can use my creativity in designing projects, keeping my classroom running smoothly, engaging my kids with the stuff that's already written.

i feel like a sell-out, like i have to defend myself for some reason, but that is totally irrational. it's like i have this idea that GOOD teachers make up everything on their own, or know how to do everything right away. the truth is, truly GOOD teachers teach their students what they need to know, hold their students to high expectations whether or not the curriculum is truly fascinating, and use the very best resources they have. my school expects me to follow the curriculum, and while there is wiggle room, i know that i'm better off doing that. i think they're going to come down even harder this year since scores dropped across the board, and especially in 8th grade English.

i should go and get planning. today is the first day i can get into my classroom but i'm going to get some breakfast before i enter the land of school!!