two stories
i want to share two powerful stories. one happened a few weeks ago. the other was this morning during my second period class. both made me almost cry.
a few weeks ago i was driving up ashby ave with jesse in the car. three black boys on bikes, probably between the ages of 13 and 16, were riding across the street. essentially they were "jaywalking" but very slowly on bicycles. i worried out loud what would happen if someone not paying attention was driving on this very busy street, which is often pretty difficult to get across on a bicycle, and then i honked to "send a message" that they needed to be more careful. i don't think they ever even glanced up.
after they crossed, jesse said that they were part of a group of kids who are very powerless in society. i think this is an appropriate generalization--obviously there are exceptions, but not many. he said that stopping traffic like that is a way for them to feel some power. it's very manipulative but it's true--they had total power over my decision in that moment. if i let them cross, i was deciding to not run into them. if i had kept driving, i would have been deciding to hurt them. either way they held the power right there.
today, we were in the library getting textbooks. i had already taken away a phone from a student, because they are not allowed to have cell phones at school and especially not in class. i try to be pretty strict (and fair) about it. another student (a black boy, probably a little old for his grade--he looks big) took out his phone to show the wallpaper picture to me and some friends, while we were waiting in line. the wallpaper picture was art that said "RIP James" in memory of a dead friend. i weighed the situation against the fact that i had already taken a girl's phone and it wouldn't be fair not to treat the two of them equally. i asked for his phone, saying that i had already taken one and it wouldn't be fair not to take his. rightfully, he refused, saying he wasn't doing anything wrong and he was just showing the background picture. i asked again, very calmly. again, he refused. his friends were all standing right there, too. i decided to let it go for a moment, feeling like i needed to take a moment to think about what to do. i knew that the only way of getting his phone was to send him to the office and that seemed like a bad and ridiculous idea, especially for the 10th day of school.
his reaction was really sudden and was an 180 degree turn from all of the interactions that we've had so far. i could tell it was a really big thing for him, based on the fact that i saw this side of him that i hadn't seen at all yet.
[sidenote: this student has been sucessful in my class so far, and is friends with some other black boys who are doing well in my class. this student is new at our school, and this is his third oakland middle school. chances are high that he moved school at least once because he got expelled from another school. he had a run-in with two administrators on the second day of school, just a few hours after he wrote an incredible poem in my class, going totally above and beyond the assignment that i gave.]
so i let him blow up a little bit, with his friends, and i let go. i stood away from the students a bit, feeling upset and like i could blow our relationship really quickly and lose all my cred and influence with him in this one moment. even now, it makes me feel a little bit choked up. i decided that i needed to make a very strategic decision about how to deal with this. that's when i thought about those boys crossing the street on ashby. my student is part of that same group--powerless, poor black teenage boy, bouncing around from school to school, with his friends in the same situation. i was trying to take his power, and he took control in the situation. that time, though, i had three choices--send him to the office, do nothing (showing him and his friends that i wasn't capable of enforcing the rules), or making things right in the way that i knew how. i didn't have that third option with the boys on the street, but i do have a relationship with this student, and i knew what was the right decision to make.
i let him cool off for a few minutes and then i said to him, "i'd like to talk to you. do you want to talk now or after class?" i could tell he was still heated because he said, "now" very forcefully. that set off a warning bell in my head but i wasn't going to back off. i pulled him to the side and said, "i know that you weren't texting or doing anything wrong. the next time you want to show me and your friends something, wait until the passing period. you can have your phone out in the classroom, just not during class. i was glad that you showed me the picture. i did take a phone away from another student and it's not fair for me to do nothing. if i see your phone again, i am going to have to take it. i'm not going to call you out in front of class, or make a big deal about it, but i will ask you to give it to me. please keep it put away. okay?" he nodded and said "yes" and the energy between us changed back to where it usually is. i could tell just by his tone, posture, and a very subtle relieved look on his face that i had dealt with this the right way--that third option that i took a chance on.
when we got back to class, he worked really hard on the assignment and waited to turn it in until the very end because he was finishing it. that was a message to me that we were back to normal and maybe he even trusts me a little more now. i wonder if i should have pushed in the first place--but i guess i learned my lesson.
so--where does this leave me? did i empower my student in any way? did i give him what he needed? would it have been better to just let it go completely and give him total power? or did i do the right thing as the adult and set a limit, in a functional way, that didn't punish him, since he didn't do a lot wrong? and, this was a small allowance of power to him. what do i do in my classroom, and outside of my classroom, to move toward having boys like my student or the boys crossing the street feel more power in society and have more power--positive power that doesn't take power away from other people or force others into no-win situations?
a few weeks ago i was driving up ashby ave with jesse in the car. three black boys on bikes, probably between the ages of 13 and 16, were riding across the street. essentially they were "jaywalking" but very slowly on bicycles. i worried out loud what would happen if someone not paying attention was driving on this very busy street, which is often pretty difficult to get across on a bicycle, and then i honked to "send a message" that they needed to be more careful. i don't think they ever even glanced up.
after they crossed, jesse said that they were part of a group of kids who are very powerless in society. i think this is an appropriate generalization--obviously there are exceptions, but not many. he said that stopping traffic like that is a way for them to feel some power. it's very manipulative but it's true--they had total power over my decision in that moment. if i let them cross, i was deciding to not run into them. if i had kept driving, i would have been deciding to hurt them. either way they held the power right there.
today, we were in the library getting textbooks. i had already taken away a phone from a student, because they are not allowed to have cell phones at school and especially not in class. i try to be pretty strict (and fair) about it. another student (a black boy, probably a little old for his grade--he looks big) took out his phone to show the wallpaper picture to me and some friends, while we were waiting in line. the wallpaper picture was art that said "RIP James" in memory of a dead friend. i weighed the situation against the fact that i had already taken a girl's phone and it wouldn't be fair not to treat the two of them equally. i asked for his phone, saying that i had already taken one and it wouldn't be fair not to take his. rightfully, he refused, saying he wasn't doing anything wrong and he was just showing the background picture. i asked again, very calmly. again, he refused. his friends were all standing right there, too. i decided to let it go for a moment, feeling like i needed to take a moment to think about what to do. i knew that the only way of getting his phone was to send him to the office and that seemed like a bad and ridiculous idea, especially for the 10th day of school.
his reaction was really sudden and was an 180 degree turn from all of the interactions that we've had so far. i could tell it was a really big thing for him, based on the fact that i saw this side of him that i hadn't seen at all yet.
[sidenote: this student has been sucessful in my class so far, and is friends with some other black boys who are doing well in my class. this student is new at our school, and this is his third oakland middle school. chances are high that he moved school at least once because he got expelled from another school. he had a run-in with two administrators on the second day of school, just a few hours after he wrote an incredible poem in my class, going totally above and beyond the assignment that i gave.]
so i let him blow up a little bit, with his friends, and i let go. i stood away from the students a bit, feeling upset and like i could blow our relationship really quickly and lose all my cred and influence with him in this one moment. even now, it makes me feel a little bit choked up. i decided that i needed to make a very strategic decision about how to deal with this. that's when i thought about those boys crossing the street on ashby. my student is part of that same group--powerless, poor black teenage boy, bouncing around from school to school, with his friends in the same situation. i was trying to take his power, and he took control in the situation. that time, though, i had three choices--send him to the office, do nothing (showing him and his friends that i wasn't capable of enforcing the rules), or making things right in the way that i knew how. i didn't have that third option with the boys on the street, but i do have a relationship with this student, and i knew what was the right decision to make.
i let him cool off for a few minutes and then i said to him, "i'd like to talk to you. do you want to talk now or after class?" i could tell he was still heated because he said, "now" very forcefully. that set off a warning bell in my head but i wasn't going to back off. i pulled him to the side and said, "i know that you weren't texting or doing anything wrong. the next time you want to show me and your friends something, wait until the passing period. you can have your phone out in the classroom, just not during class. i was glad that you showed me the picture. i did take a phone away from another student and it's not fair for me to do nothing. if i see your phone again, i am going to have to take it. i'm not going to call you out in front of class, or make a big deal about it, but i will ask you to give it to me. please keep it put away. okay?" he nodded and said "yes" and the energy between us changed back to where it usually is. i could tell just by his tone, posture, and a very subtle relieved look on his face that i had dealt with this the right way--that third option that i took a chance on.
when we got back to class, he worked really hard on the assignment and waited to turn it in until the very end because he was finishing it. that was a message to me that we were back to normal and maybe he even trusts me a little more now. i wonder if i should have pushed in the first place--but i guess i learned my lesson.
so--where does this leave me? did i empower my student in any way? did i give him what he needed? would it have been better to just let it go completely and give him total power? or did i do the right thing as the adult and set a limit, in a functional way, that didn't punish him, since he didn't do a lot wrong? and, this was a small allowance of power to him. what do i do in my classroom, and outside of my classroom, to move toward having boys like my student or the boys crossing the street feel more power in society and have more power--positive power that doesn't take power away from other people or force others into no-win situations?
posted by Allyson B. at
10:21 AM
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