trust

it's so amazing that i have a class that i trust to use their time well, ask for help when they need it, and follow directions. the reason that it's amazing is that the same type of class (an intervention class) was totally untrustworthy and basically incapable of doing those three things, last year. i know, i gush about these kids all of the time, but it's just so lovely to spend two hours with them every day. this is my morning double class. the afternoon is a different story. i trust them to run errands and come back, and just to work, help each other, and be responsible. most of today was spent doing review and it was semi-independent work. i was helping kids who have been out, answering questions, but also taking a minute to check in with kids about other stuff. it's a small class, which makes a difference--that is really nice. they are just great, that's all. :-)

yay for great kids!!!

working too much

sometimes i get really hysterical and decide that i'm working way too much. it's upsetting. here's the thing: last year, i had one class that i essentially had to babysit, instead of getting to teach. i had to design different stuff for them because they couldn't be quiet and listen for more than 10 seconds. i have a class like that this year, too. their skills are incredibly low, and they have been together for so long, and they will barely even try to do something newer or harder. honestly, now i am giving them stuff that they can do, and they are doing it. i have to integrate a lot of art stuff into the class, and basically not require them to be quiet except during tests. it's hard, and it's still tiring, but way less so--this was my first "schedule" week with a dependable structure, and they were definitely more successful and i was less exhausted.

unfortunately, it's like my dirty little secret that they aren't doing grade level work. i feel like if anyone finds out, it will be bad. not that anyone probably will, but still--it is frustrating. even though i am getting them on a dependable schedule, it still detracts from the time i can spend actually developing good lessons and materials for my regular 8th grade classes that are actually doing grade level work. i feel like this is what happened last year, too. it really feels like a barrier to truly becoming a better teacher, and it's very discouraging. it's part of why i'm working so much and not getting to sleep or swim or ride my bicycle enough. jesse and i talked about it yesterday, and i was commenting that i felt too invested, but i don't know how to not be invested and serious. and so the result is that i am probably overly invested in my work.

it makes me really sad that the thing i love to do feels like it's sucking my energy and patience. if you're not a teacher, this might not make sense, i don't know--maybe you are thinking "how can you love something and have it wear you out so much all at the same time?" it is kind of an oxymoron--not sure if that's the right word for the situation, but i think you know what i mean. I definitely want to finish out this year and next. I'm hoping to talk with my school to make some key changes for next year. some of them are simple--like moving classrooms. some are more complex, like a different schedule. we shall see...

colleagues

without getting too specific, i'm going to say that a few of my colleagues basically started screaming during our department meeting. they weren't arguing. one of them just talks REALLY (unnecessarily) loud and when someone tries to respond and she isn't finished, she raises her shrill voice. the two who were screaming were standing right behind me. it was the end of the day. i was tired. i wanted to leave. but instead, i had to listen to them scream.

i think i need a day off. i guess i kind of have one on friday--it just dawned on me. i am taking a mini field trip with just a few kids to an oratorical festival that they have every year in our district. so really i only have to teach tommorow, although i'm kind of planning on coming back for the last period of the day on friday to deal with the kids, so it's not a total day off.

i'm just tired. this is just tiring. i guess that the truth of the matter is that when you work this hard, you get tired. i almost never rest, either....hmmm...

energy

i don't reallly know how to deal with kids who suck this much of my energy every day. it's mind-blowing how much patience i actually have for them, when i think about it. there were 27 students in class today. i had to somehow reassure, support, have individual conversations with, or somehow make an exception for about 15 of them. at the beginning of class, i asked a pair of boys to step outside because they were goofing around and i couldn't deal with them. i had to ask them twice to get them to come back in, and then threaten a referral, before they would come inside. at least they came in instead of taking the referrals. i gave them a TON of positive reinforcement for choosing to come back in and learn.

then one of my girls was using her hand lotion and mirror. i asked her to put it away and told her that if i saw it again i was confiscating it. i saw it again (her friend had it.) her friend put it away and refused to give it to me. i can't back down--because when i let kids get away with things, it just starts a bad pattern of kids defying me. the girl whose mirror it was finally gave it to me and then got mad and stormed out of the classroom. i didn't know why, and i just went on with the lesson. eventually the friend went out, calmed the girl with the mirror down, and they got back into class. but jesus. come on.

at the end of class another two boys got into it. they also went outside and made nice. the whole thing was just ridiculous...like i said, a total energy suck!

must go rest.

chewing gum

kids chew gum in class. but they're not supposed to. it's a school rule, but it's also a classroom rule that i try to stick to (when i catch them) because inevitably some of the gum ends up on the floor. i think there are about 3 pieces of gum on the floor right now. gross, right?

there are 4 things that happen when a kid is chewing gum:
1) s/he spits it out upon walking into the classroom (knows and observes the rules willingly without a reminder)
2) s/he spits it out with no fuss when i ask (knows the rules and is willing to follow them if caught)
3) s/he walks to the garbage can when i ask, stands there to see if i'm watching, and carefully spits out enough so it looks like it's spit out (wants attention)
4) s/he nods when i ask but does not even go over to the garbage can, and i catch the kid later with the same gum.

one of my 7th graders in my afternoon class did #4. when i asked him the second time, he did #3 and just stood there. then, one of my kids said/shouted this to him: "Throw your gum away!! Don't act like it's a million dollars!!" it worked like a charm, and i made him repeat the same thing when the next kid was spitting out gum. he wrote it down. it's laminated and on my board, and is priceless! i love it when kids basically manage the classroom for me!